BDSM and You

I did government manufactured LSD tablets back in the 60s, and I’ve done acid and mushrooms.  I lived on the Oregon coast for awhile where you could find growing wild medium brown pinky-sized mushrooms with purple fins, cone-shaped and colored a medium brown on top, growing out of cowpies in low-lying moist grassy fields.  I’ve also practiced raja yoga, a form of concentration, that has led to out-of-body experiences.  What these experiences have taught me is that the body and the identity we wear along with it are extricable from one another, and are entirely constructs made up in our imagination, and that what we believe we are is nothing more than play-acting.  We have adopted a set that goes into the very core of our DNA that has a consciousness and has chosen.

Almost anyone will admit with Shakespeare that all the world’s a stage, but we are so immersed in it, in its psychological harmonic, most of the time that we claim the role we take as a fragile and delicate thing that needs protection and an armed defense. We are afraid that we will somehow lose what we are if we let go.

If you are into BDSM, you might take that into consideration in understanding how I judge you.  I accept you for what you want to be, and its either good for me or bad for me, depending upon how it affects the act I happen to be. The role that I take, and the culture that reinforces it, are important to the play I’m in, however, just as yours are to you.

You say you’re a queer. That defines not a biological character so much as a behavioral thing, a willingness to have intimate relations with the same sex. What it does to your psychological character, and how you wear yourself, because you have made that choice to act on the impulses you experience, is to become your character.  How high do you wear your chin around other men?  This is who you are.

Being a queer gives you an opportunity to break certain chains that exist in the mainstream that tie you to a heterosexual identity and its role. It’s liberating. Who wants to be a man when you can be a woman too?  That sets you above the roles, suggests androgeny.

As Plato pointed out in Symposium, “People used to be spherical creatures, you know, with two bodies attached back to back who cartwheeled around. There were three sexes: the male-male people who descended from the sun, the female-female people who descended from the earth, and the male-female people who came from the moon. This last pairing represented the androgynous couple. These sphere people tried to take over the gods and failed. Zeus then decided to cut them in half and had Apollo stitch them back together leaving the navel as a reminder to not defy the gods again.”

Perhaps in part you are rejecting the stereotypical male who believes it his duty to dominate females and act like a heel. Feminism has made it very unpopular. But you are still attracted by it.  Knowing that you have broken those chains to the classic male ego opens the door to the possibility of breaking others, such as that violence can be pleasurable, and suffering too. And now you have gone full circle.  You rejected the stereotype, but now it’s ok. You have found people who take pleasure in being abused.  You yourself have found pleasure in being abused. You also like being the abuser. So now what was unacceptable and the driving force behind feminism is now acceptable because someone is willing. You both live by the same philosophy. Or is it all just an excuse to get naked like children and forget that there are any rules that bind the imagination to explore pain and pleasure?  Let’s never grow up.   And is there any less of a culture in your lack of one?  Doesn’t the rejection of conventional boundaries become itself a lifestyle, a way of life, and a challenge to other ways of life?
I guess what that says to me is what people say in every culture.  People grow accustomed to their circumstances.  Muslim women like wearing hijabs.  It’s abuse only if you believe that they don’t like it and are being forced into doing this, or brainwashed into doing it, by their husbands.  You step on a nail and you jump. How painful is it, really?  Every perspective you can imagine is out there expressing itself as a culture.  It’s difficult under the circumstances to take seriously any sort of movement to change male and female relationships because the conditions in which any exist have been encrusted by time and accommodation and are built into the system. What will people tolerate?  How much pain is pleasurable?  They have to become pretty bad for people to want to change.

What relationship, if any, is there between what the diaper group does, the people who dress others up in diapers and discipline them before masturbating them, and what rapists or pedophiles do?  What’s very remarkable is that in BDSM we have women, presumably lesbian, masturbating babies, or the fantasy of the babies they have put in bondage.  Is there a direct correlation? Do they both proceed from the same cause in the social psyche?  Does one facilitate the other?  Is the mindset of sexualizing a baby in one no different from the other, however they differ in matters of consent? One has permission, the other doesn’t, but aren’t they the same fantasy ultimately? They both want chicken; one bakes it, the other fries it.

The inability to set rules and boundaries is the fundamental complaint about men in society.  They negotiate nothing, do not recognize individual space or sovereignty in the woman, and fail to understand that she is a real human being with needs and demands of her own.  The only purpose she serves is to fulfill the desires of the man.  That’s called objectification.
Women, I suspect, tend to have a stronger sensitivity to order and rules than men. More men are in prison for violating crimes than women. A woman will be very careful about how she parks the car; the man will just throw the sonafabitch in there.   Is it not possible that people in the general populace of society have the same urges that you do, to find pleasure in abuse, in causing pain to someone else? And perhaps they do things to provoke someone else to cause them pain, because they find pleasure in that too. So society is the more unregulated, chaotic expression of the structured consensual thing you get into. In BDSM, there are fewer victims, maybe, in your organized group scenes, but on the other hand, why wouldn’t that appeal to the rapist, or just a weirdo munchkin who just can’t get enough?  But we are all living out the forces of social pain and pleasure that bear upon all of us collectively.

I don’t have a problem with that.  You like to get beat, you like to be a beater, go for it.  But I’m a news analyst as well as a writer. I’m a Press TV contributor.  I’m used to looking at things from a larger perspective, and I don’t think the BDSM culture is in any way isolated from the impact of American culture, or its lack of it. Given the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, beating others seems to have become an American pastime.  The Ft. Lauderdale scene on Memorial Day is one very good example. Black on black violence.  People who agreed on Facebook to go down to the beach and fight. These niggas, they call themselves. Isn’t it so much masochistic self-punishment that is apparent as the cause of any desire to inflict so much pain and hate upon one’s own race?

We have a country riddled with thousands of PTSD-infected men who have spent 13 years making a career out of killing. They make horrible fathers, horrible husbands, horrible citizens. They have a highly decreased capacity to put up with either themselves or others.  They are far less likely to want to make a deal with someone for mutual abuse. They will just do it.

The Santa Barbara incident suggests to me that our materialistic lifestyle is producing children who are given everything as a substitute for love, and the lack of love becomes a huge driving force for hatred directed at the source from which they believe love entitlement is du a e.  We have a world full of women who abandon men, who despise them, because the economic system has destroyed them.  They abandon their children, and because of it, she abandons their children too to what very often turn out to be child molesting live-in males so that she can go out and get a damned job, A materialistic society is way beyond either’s reach, and for men, their worth in providing and being a man in the most traditional sense has been taken from them. For women, they know in their heart what they are doing to their children. They have been all been raped. There are no princesses after all.  Just slaves.

There is a direct thread between the way you act, what you like and don’t like, and similar likes and dislikes in the larger society.  I won’t dare to try to psychoanalyze why someone gets pleasure out of being beaten, but I’m sure that it goes very well beyond the immediate sexual gratification, if that’s what you call it. There’s a proven link between violence to others and a deep sense of inadequacy and self-hate.

Baby masturbation symbolism http://31.media.tumblr.com/b4e97db99b726519c7a14cc2b03cfd43/tumblr_mysy88rAiZ1r2m70ho1_1280.png

Baby masturbation symbolism:  http://lesbian-baby-crib-bondage.tumblr.com/image/87313292263

On the issue of rape:  http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/04/scene-is-not-safe.html

Study:  http://www.niu.edu/user/tj0bjs1/bdsm/Connolly%20(2006).pdf

Beating:  http://dreamboybondage.com/?gclid=CjgKEAjw-6WcBRCsgNjFy-2OuGYSJADf4R2srV20Li4WPTvPVN8D55cTw81M7dCu2XZqvL_Iqc_t7_D_BwE

Reference to Plato in wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androgyny

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One thought on “BDSM and You

  1. ‘ll bite. Get it?

    I AM queer. Don’t throw that into question. But I do not think it means what you think it means. Queer is a blanket term used to refer to anyone outside of the hetero-sexual paradigm. “Bi” might be a more specific term, or even “pansexual” as I am not automatically uninterested in someone based on their gender. Is it behavioral or biological? That’s hotly contested so don’t speak so surely on it. I might ask, when it was that you decided to be straight?

    Are you perfectly chaste? Why is impulse to share love with a human being worse than the impulse to tear down the being of someone I hardly know? Sometimes I hold my chin above and behind other men, sometimes below and in front. Why do you ask?

    What I think you were really asking is how am I not ashamed? It’s easy for me not to be ashamed because I’m fit and aggressive enough to threaten offensive people with physical confrontation when they throw hate speech and homophobic slurs around me. My friends have seen me do this, and it’s incredibly empowering. 🙂

    To answer your question in a third manner, I hold my chin very high around people of the sexually liberated community I am a member of, because I have experience with abuse, the systematic oppression that many of them have faced, and some of the lovely challenges of polyamory. This insight, pride in myself, and an ability to share that with others who can relate to my existence lets me feel extremely valued and to hold my chin very high indeed.

    That being said, there is far more privilege in being straight. No one gets kicked out of their church and home, murdered, or denied rights simply for being straight. So, it’s not a choice one makes for the purpose of having fun and being free. In many ways it’s a burden.

    Plato said that huh? That’s funny, I thought Hedwig wrote it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zU3U7E1Odc

    I and others have stated numerous times that there is a difference between manipulative mental abuse, and consensual physical contact. You don’t have to accept that, but you do have to speak in those parameters if we’re going to get anywhere.

    It’s all about rules. Lot’s of rules.

    It is a culture, not a lack of one. That question didn’t actually make a lot of sense.

    A challenge? Well, I encourage people to find what’s right for them. I challenge the compulsory aspect of the dominant culture, yes, but what’s at the core of my stance is that I won’t tell someone else their sex is wrong.

    Other cultures aren’t ours to judge. People will tolerate what they tolerate. Enough pain is enough pain. That’s what safe words are for, but I don’t often have to use them. Body language and a simple “no” is all I need, but then I’m very skittish about hurting my partner. (Actual hurt, world of difference. I know that doesn’t make sense to you, but it makes sense to us. Which is the point.)

    The difference is informed consent. Let me mirror that question back to you. What is difference between the sex you have, rape, and pedophelia?

    Lesbians masturbating babies? lol I’m sorry you lost me. I’m gonna say there’s no correlation, no they don’t facilitate each other. haha

    I’d like to remind you that in the self description of your organization on your blog, you state that your organization frowns on personality attacks and supports civil rights for all. Try to keep that in mind as you continue this conversation.

    The difference between consent and non-consent is not as slim as you suggest. That is an incredibly dangerous attitude. As some one who doesn’t engage in baby play, it’s hard for me to speak on it. Perhaps it’s a symbollic release of all control and agency, same as some people want to be dogs. I don’t really know. Regardless, it’s not the same thing. You’re just going to have to take my word on that.

    Most pedophiles, rapists, and those who engage in sex with animals are straight men, who don’t also engage in consensual kink. If I have to answer for your wild conjecture, then you have to answer for that fact and explain to me how your it’s okay that you’re straight and non-kinky when your choice creates far more rape than mine. Seriously. Balls in your court on that one.

    Believe me, I know what misogyny is. Thanks for the run down though.

    “They negotiate nothing, do not recognize individual space or sovereignty in the individual, and fail to understand that they are a real human being with needs and demands of their own.”

    ^^ This describes your behavior perfectly.

    Yes, it is possible that people feel the same as me. Hence the overwhelming support I’ve received in this “debate.”

    You bring up a valid point. Sadly yes, the scene does attract predators. Just like raves, Burning Man, and the church. This is what I referred to by saying that keeping silent is not how we protect each other. That doesn’t make what we’re doing is wrong. In fact, you seem to be suggesting that what we do, and predatory behavior, is in fact different. I hope I’m not misreading that, but we may be making some progress here.

    As a member of a progressive news organization, I’m a little shocked by your lack of sensitivity around racial issues. The question about why one would harm a member of one’s own race is, well… racist.

    Your opinion on returning vets is also completely ignorant and offensive. I’ve know some people that have changed for the worse, but I know many more who have used their pain to reach out to others, start their own non-profit, and do far more good than any ramshackle facade of “progress” such as you’ve thrown together.

    I agree that society breeds many ills. What they are, their causes, and effects, are something that we may have to disagree on.

    Yes. You absolutely WOULD dare to psychoanalyze why some likes to get beat. You’ve been doing it for two days straight, and it’s immediately what you did after saying that.

    “There’s a proven link between violence to others and a deep sense of inadequacy and self-hate.”

    There is. What I do in the bedroom is not violence. What you’re attempting to do to the culture of BDSM is.

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