“I was so cross when I was told he couldn’t wear dresses I was speechless. All I could ask was why,” said Clarke [the boy’s mother]………”Romeo has amassed an incredible dress collection. He has 100 dresses, some of which are probably hand-me-downs from his three older sisters. The adorable child also has eight pairs of kiddie heels, wears nail polish, and enjoys playing with Barbie dolls.”
Really. All I can say is that I think this poor boy has been totally brain-fucked by his mother and sisters. I have no problem with gays as gays in most respects, but a 5-year-old has no sexual preferences. This was an outright trashing of his right to a cultural identity that is acceptable and healthy in a world of men. His mother might as well have given the child HIV. He will forever live with multiple psychological neuroses that are directly a product of making him live in a mental prison 180 degrees from the lifestyle of his peers. This is criminal.
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, the objective truth is that it doesn’t matter what he wears. We are not objectively what we wear by any means. I believe also that mothers have a right to raise their children as they see fit. But somebody needs to talk to that woman.
The subjective truth is that he will grow up to be a man thinking and acting like a woman in a man’s world, a drag queen, a real RuPaul to be sure, and it is the subjective truth upon which his psychology will be based, however much anyone else will try to rationalize it.
Identity, however, as we know it is purely a subjective truth. The subjective truth is what and who you believe you are. It’s an attitude, a state of mind. But we can’t abolish states of mind, just because we decide one day that we want something different. We can’t stop the world from thinking you’re an idiot because you want to look like one. We live in America. We don’t have a wardrobe police here. Nor do we have enforcers who protect people from prejudice and hate. States of mind are only perhaps in a very minute way a product of our own engineering. We live in a world shaped by many cultural forces, all speaking about their own preferences. There are great pressures on all of us to conform to the particular cultural milieu that we live in, and to a degree we must. I’ll bet the guy in the graphic above isn’t headed to the local elementary school to pick up his kid.
And we grow up with preferences of our own, based upon what we absorb from the environment around us. That’s practically grade school sociology.
A hundred dresses in his closet, nail polish, high heels? I can’t imagine putting high heels on a 5-year-old girl, let alone a boy. He didn’t do that to himself. His mother did that to him. Sending the boy to school in a dress when they have a dress code wasn’t about play. He’s been manipulated. His mother encouraged this fascination with girly things instead of guiding him toward boy-associated dress and habits.
You can’t approach child rearing as though you can just manufacture whatever you like, and it will all be good. We can’t treat children as though they are our toys. Children are children for only a little while, and then they have to grow up into a much larger world where values and the things others will accept become a much more imposing reality. Unfortunately, this little boy will believe himself to be what his mother has shaped him to be with her fancy notions about gender stereotypes and how they should all be torn down. That isn’t real world. That’s fantasy.
We need to steer children toward cultural norms in ways that give them the highest degree of opportunity for success not just materially but in every aspect of their physical and mental health. Making the boy a freak is not only disgusting but destructive. And who are adults to decide whether he has the ability to live sanely in an upside down world that they have made for him?