Coming Out


It all started in second grade.  It was my first real contact with someone outside my family who touched me and treated me with affection and seemed to care about  me.  I became deeply attached, and after school I would go to the home of my new found love and just stand around, as though waiting for something magical to happen. Although in those wistful moments I never got close enough to look in the windows, I would sit a small distance away and just stare, hoping for a short glimpse of someone I had developed a huge crush on.  I had little notion of what love meant, or what my feelings were all about, but I knew that something was going on inside  of me, and I liked it.   At seven years old, I had already become a peeping tom.

Later that year, I was crushed to learn that my teacher was leaving for Hollywood, having won a starring role in a movie.  I didn’t know it then, but the urge to manifest a certain kind of gender was awakening within me.

Gender as a choice was not really mine.  You fall in love when you fall in love, and I guess the decision is some kind of mark in your genes or the values you’ve been exposed to, and you simply can’t help it.   I rarely have raised the subject throughout most of my life, because its something that has become frowned upon in most circles.  You don’t make an issue of it because someone might think you are an oddity.  But it’s been pressing upon me for years, and now I have to admit it.

I am a heterosexual. My teacher was a woman.  To my young eyes, she was an exquisitely beautiful woman, a “superfem.”  It’s never been a huge matter of pride for me that I am a heterosexual, and besides, it isn’t politically correct.  One doesn’t want to offend those who are different.  But I take it for granted just as much as I do the face I look at in the mirror every morning.  I don’t look at myself awkwardly and wonder why I’m different from most people.   In second grade, I never knew that there was any other kind of sexual or gender choice to be made, and I probably never heard the word “homosexual” used until I was in high school.  I didn’t know what one of them there things was.   I liked women more than men, overwhelmingly so.  My choice of a mate when I played house with the neighborhood kids was and has always been female, and I would never go to bed with a male unless it was a pet dog or cat (which I own neither of).

I know that I should feel guilty about that, obviously.  There is a strong movement on my political side of the fence to abandon all the symptoms and manifestations of heterosexuality, of masculine declarations, of any kind of sexist thinking in which I am different or want to express myself in a unique way to women as a man.   Unfortunately, I look upon them as completely different creatures, divine creatures, which I have come to adore.  I like it when I see in a woman a delicate nature and vulnerability.  My protective hunter/gatherer nature kicks in, and I want to provide.  I want to do everything for her, and pamper her with all the love I am capable of.

I have never tried on panties or high heels or wondered what I would look like in a chiffon dress.  I am a man who chooses to be distinguished clearly with all the markings of a man.  Yes, I agree.  It’s all so much theatre.  It is quite possible to manufacture entirely different cultural roles and the woman could take on what are perceived as masculine tendencies and men could do the opposite.  Perhaps not much would change.  But the play has already been established.  We’re well beyond the first act.  I didn’t write the script, and I’m perfectly happy with it just the way it is.

That choice is clearly discriminatory.  I have an aversion to any intimacy with men.  I have a natural desire to be around women, and my deepest feelings for another human being are aroused by women, not men.  Therefore it follows that when I see homosexual intimacy among men, it disturbs me.  It’s not what I do, It’s not what I grew up experiencing, it’s not what I see happening in the vast majority in my culture, it is highly exceptional to see any display of it publicly, and therefore it is a deeply engrained and a quite natural feeling to react negatively toward it.

Those feelings would obviously be characterized as homophobic.  Yet the choice not to act like gays is something very fundamental to my character and thinking.   Should I change?  Should I find it just as appealing to have intimate relations with men?  Should I teach my children that they can as well?

If I died, for example,  I would not want my child to be reared by someone who is gay.   I would not teach my children that gay-ness is equal in all respects to heterosexuality, because it isn’t.  In fact I have raised two children – both are fully grown adults now – and I have taught them to respect differences in people, and I have never made fun of gays.  I have allowed them to make their own decisions about that.  But there’s no question that I raised my daughter to think of herself as a girl and ultimately as a woman and to adopt traditional perspectives about what is appropriate in dress and mannerisms and what to expect from men.  I also raised my son to think of himself as a man and not some kind of homogeneous amalgam of sexuality that I wasn’t myself.

I’ve looked at the statistics, and the LGBT population in the U.S. varies from city to city but on average is about 3 percent.  So it is interesting that this movement has gained such a strong voice.  A 3 percent representation is a deviation from the core biological polarity of sexual opposites found in all nature.   I have no judgmental position about that, but I don’t believe that a 3 percent deviation represents anything I would propose as a model for my children to be raised under.  I’m interested in outcomes, in the end result, and values that are attached to the most mainstream perspectives about life engender the greatest success.  I’m with the 97%.

To have a strong culture, we have a need to assert cultural norms as valid and worthy of standing behind.   We have to believe that what we are doing makes sense.  The institution of family and the family nucleus is founded upon heterosexuality.  If we believe in families, then we need to foster attitudes that encourage them.   Dmitry Kiselev, host of the popular television program Vesti Nedeli in Russia, in the context of the recent brouhaha over gays involved in the Olympics, put it this way:

Gay culture certainly has the right to exist in Russia, and it does, de facto. Yet, it is a minority culture, and this is all it will ever be. A minority culture should not be imposed on the majority, especially not through aggressive propaganda. I do not believe this unconventional sexual orientation is an illness. I am not even saying it is outside physiological norms. But it is certainly outside accepted social practices, and for me this is a strongly held belief. Each country has the right to define its own social norms. In Russia, the norm is a traditional family. The Russian government is responsible for encouraging what is accepted as the social norm, because it is crucial for society. A family means children. Russia is experiencing a demographic crisis. Supporting the spread of gay culture in Russia amounts to self-elimination.

I don’t believe in laws against homosexuality.  As director of United Progressives, we actively support the rights and freedoms and equal opportunity of the LGBT community.  But as a heterosexual, I ‘m an advocate for heterosexuality and fostering heterosexual values to the extent that any one of us has a choice.  For those who don’t, in a democracy where majority values count, they will suffer, because there will always be discrimination against minority values, lifestyles and points of view.  That’s a fact of life.  We can only promote tolerance and create laws that enforce tolerance, but we should not create conditions in which minority values dominate.  That is anathema to the cultural integrity we need as a nation.

Gays have made significant headway in the U.S. in establishing a foothold in securing their rights.  The following links provide adequate evidence of that.   To date, the Obama administration, as the following link exhibits,  “has appointed more than all known LGBT appointments of other presidential administrations combined. “

LGBT Appointments in the Obama-Biden Administration

Is this something heterosexuals should be concerned about?  Of course.  At what point it become critical, I don’t know.  How much is too much?  Where do we draw the line?  To the extent that a homosexual agenda begins working its way through government bureaucracies and law into mainstream heterosexual values regarding the importance of family, raising children and lifestyles is a matter that we all ought to sit up and take notice of.  The prevailing view that homosexuals offer an “alternative” lifestyle that is open to anyone as a matter of choice promotes cultural disintegration of heterosexual values.   It isn’t simply a matter of choice.  We are all conditioned by the values that we grow up in.   Government intrusion into the private lives of mothers and children can readily be seen through agencies like Child Protective Services.  Decisions are made that affect everyone involved, and often they become very politicized.  It’s a given that gay marriages have no ability to produce children, and therefore the importance of breast feeding, child rearing and education takes a back seat to other priorities in such relationships.  How that affects decision-making regarding children is unknown, but it’s undoubtedly a factor.   Educators and others, such as the entertainment industry, who affect impressionable young people are very significant in determining cultural standards and molding future societies.  Anyone who can influence policy in major institutions can have a great impact upon the future course of everyone’s lives.  So it’s important that we pay attention and adopt standards that protect those values that we want to nourish.


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